A little peak…

In my feeble attempts at neo-bloggism, I want to provide my readers with viable quality reading material.  Granted, most of the time I will focus on completely tasteless nonsense to entertain, humor, & horrify you all.  However, in this episode, you will hopefully gain a little bit of insight into one of the reasons why I am who I am up to this point in my life.

I had a discussion with the owner of the company I work for yesterday while we were doing some ‘business research’ [buzztime trivia] up at Billy Joe’s yesterday afternoon.

It is a fact that my parents got divorced when I was in 5th or 6th grade & life as I knew it was abruptly uprooted.  When the person you look up to the most lets you down, it can damage a young boy’s confidence.  I coped with the divorce the way many young children choose to cope with it – by blocking it out.

Deep down I was crushed, but I don’t think I could have ever admitted that at the time.  I have since dealt with those fragile emotions and forgiven & moved on.  Everyone makes mistakes & when something is out of your control, I firmly believe that the only way to deal with such a scenario is to let a higher power deal with it.  I’m not speaking of ignorance or denial; I am merely stating that you truly have no right to let something like that eat at you.  Take whatever responsibility necessary to deal with the situation and use it to grow.

Yesterday I was being very open & really just letting my subconscious guide my answers to the boss’s questions.  I said the divorce was a life-changing experience for me.  I think it molded me into a completely different person today than I would have been if it didn’t happen.  I initially became less-driven to succeed in school & other activities.  It caused a gradual decline in my competitive nature (which was at an obscenely high level).  Those types of things can be positive up to a certain point, and in my case, I believe that continuing towards adulthood with those high self-expectations would have turned me into an extremely successful person.

However, some good did come out of the divorce as well.  I learned from the mistakes I observed.  I know I am a more caring, compassionate person than I otherwise would have been.  I’ve gained a great deal of respect for people who are troubled, dealing with struggles, going through tough times, etc.  I’ve learned more about what I don’t want to become, and relatively, more about who I DO want to become in regards to relationships & that ever-important self-conscience.  Making the decision to turn a disaster into a positive experience is a choice I am proud of.

And yeah, I’m a sarcastic bastard sometimes.  I can be crude & blunt in my humor.  However, I value my integrity, I value my sense of accountability.  And when it comes down to it, I don’t think anyone can disagree that I truly care about treating people with the utmost level of respect & dignity.  And I know now that those characters mean more to me than any amount of success that will come my way.  For that, I am grateful.

Everything happens for a reason.

    • emily
    • January 28th, 2010

    wow. thank you for sharing this. every word of it.

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